Bersih Rally - why I felt ashamed of myself

After reading what happened at the Bersih rally for electoral reform today, I felt ashamed with myself. Instead of joining them at the rally, I decided to go to Hari Raya open house. Today is the last day for Hari Raya open house and I got four open house invitations to attend. I regret that I have opted not to get involved in pushing for change although I am disgusted with the arrogance, corruption and abuses of power of the present government. I felt like I was a coward.

Depending on which medium you get your information from, it is estimated that about 40,000 people turned up for the rally despite heavy rain, police presence and harsh warning from the authorities that the rally was illegal. It was the biggest people’s march since Anwar Ibrahim’s sacking in 1998. The state-controlled Bernama news agency estimated only about 4000 people were involved. The Bangkok Post claimed “many thousands”, al-Jazeera said “tens of thousands” and Malaysiakini.com put the figure around 40,000. Whatever the number the rally did take place despite PM’s warning and IGP's threats.

I regret that I missed the chance to stand proud with those 40,000 people and be part of history in Malaysian politics. I was not there in yellow t-shirt to march together with those people who cared about freedom in this country. I am disgusted with myself because I crave for better Malaysia but am not brave enough to be part of the struggle for change.

The Bersih coalition is made up of 71 NGO and opposition parties calling for free and fair election in Malaysia. Malaysia is expected to hold next general election end of this year or early next year amidst mounting pressures on ordinary Malaysians’ lives because of increase in prices, corruption of high-level government servants, and judicial scandal involving former Chief Justice and a prominent lawyer. Bersih demands changes in the electoral process including elimination of postal votes, use of indelible ink during voting, fair use of state-funded media and clearing of phantom voters from the electoral roll. These demands are essential to be fulfilled for a truly democratic election and legitimacy of the elected government.

The rally ended without any untoward incident and the people’s memorandum to the Agong was handed over to the king at 4.00 pm by PAS president Hadi Awang. Although Tuanku was not there to personally receive the memorandum (Tuanku was in Terengganu for official business), his secretary accepted it on his behalf. It is the people’s hope, especially those from the opposition side, that Tuanku will have a close look at the demands and truly act as king for the people. Indeed, the rakyat have nowhere else to turn to when all power of Parliament, Judiciary, the police and other government agencies openly and shamelessly side with the powers that be even in matters for which they are supposed to be independent.

Looking at how important today is in the history of democracy in Malaysia, and it happened right on my doorstep here in Kuala Lumpur, I cannot feel anything else apart from shame, guilt and cowardice that I was not there today. Even more so when I saw women among the crowd. I pray that this yellow revolution will start a fire of reform and the institution of Monarchy will once again act as a check and balance against excesses of power by our political leaders.

Daulat Tuanku!
Daulat Tuanku!
Daulat Tuanku!

10 November 2007.

Teh tarik with an old friend

Last weekend I had a teh-tarik session with an old secondary school friend. The last time I met him was in 1991 - 16 years ago. It's been a long time since then. Both of us have changed in appearance. I think if we brushed shoulders in a pasar malam somewhere before we met, I would not have thought that was him, and I am quite sure he would not have recognised me.

He initially contacted me through our ex-school e-group. We exchanged a few e-mails and found out later that we were living in the same municipality. In fact he works in a nearby area as a government servant. It seems like this e-group is an excellent thing to keep old friendship alive and bring people together again.

After isyak on Saturday we sat at a kopitiam and talked about our life since SPM. He went to a local university and I was sent to London after two years of A-Levels to do engineering. He told me how he enjoyed himself a lot during university days and did not really push hard. All he wanted to do was just getting through university. After university he started working for the government. His interest in academic studies grew and he eventually obtained his master’s degree and a diploma. The next logical step is to go for a doctorate, which is the highest academic qualification that a university can offer.

He learnt recently that his application to do a PhD in the UK had just been approved and he would be flying to the UK by end of the year. I think his past work performance must have been very good to qualify him to be considered for overseas postgraduate studies. Not many people get the opportunity to study at the highest level with all fees fully paid by the government. So he said he was not going to let it go. Now that he has been given a chance to do a PhD, he wants to make up for the lack of attention he paid to his studies during his undergraduate years. According to him, in his area of work, Malaysia still needs people with expertise to be at par with other developed nations. He also told me that it was not just for him. Apart from getting his qualifications, he wanted to expose his children to life and education in the UK too. His children will also benefit from getting four years of free UK schooling. They will be able to experience an education system that is certainly different from what we are used to in Malaysia.

I cannot offer any advice on how to do a PhD because I have not done it myself, but I know that to complete it, one needs a lot of commitment, mental determination, enthusiasm, and perhaps a little bit of luck. Talking to friends who have got a PhD, I was told that in most cases it would not bring monetary returns commensurate with the effort and sacrifice that you put in. But the personal satisfaction is priceless. The joy of discovering new knowledge for the benefit of humankind is what drives some people to go through those four years of mental torture. I admire his enthusiasm to continue his studies to the highest level. Unfortunately for me, as my age approaches 40, I feel my stamina to go through the riguors of formal learning has waned down.

At this age, both of us have moved into a different phase of our life. We are now a father of four. Most of us are now pre-occupied with bringing up our children. And to most of us, after so long living in our comfort zone, having to go through another four years of burning midnight oil is just unthinkable. I think it is a lot harder to consentrate on deep thinking and research when we have so many other commitments at this phase of our life. That’s why I admire and salute those who have decided to take up the challenge.

Time seemed to run very fast. We did not realise we talked until the early hours of the morning until the coffee shop and the tomyam restaurant nearby were closing. It felt really nice to be sitting around one table again, sipping black milk coffee reminiscing about our school life and the places that we had been to over the last 16 years. Good luck to you my friend. I hope in three to four years time we’ll meet here again, sipping coffee, eating more toasts, while telling stories about your intellectual adventure. And by that time, I am sure I will be calling you a doctor.